Don’t talk shit about your spouse

The goal of marriage is not to think alike, but to think together.

Robert C. Dodds

 

Candidly speaking, my husband can be an ass and he’ll be the first to admit it. He’s blunt and at times harsh and sometimes he even hurts my feelings. Yes, sometimes that husband of mine even makes me cry, but you won’t hear me ranting about it in front of our friends or strangers during small talk. I highly value authenticity and yet I completely condone keeping that shit to yourself. I’ll even go so far as to advise you to mention something nice about your spouse particularly when he’s being an ass, to remind yourself that there is so much good even when you’re temporarily blinded by his sheer humanity.

You see, more than being an ass, my husband is my rock. He is an incredible man with admirable work ethic. He cares for me with the utmost love and respect. He’s not afraid of his emotions and exploring new depths. He raises our boys with respect for women and tells them I’m their queen. He’s been by my side for over 15 years and has never expressed a desire to be anywhere else. I could go on, but I think you get the picture: I have a pretty amazing guy here.

Sometimes though, we get off kilter and say things that we know better than to say. We don’t always deal with our emotions in a way that we’re proud of. Life has a way of getting that way and it’s completely normal. There is no sense in letting everyone know when my husband fucks up, because I do too. If anything, telling everyone about my husband’s shortcoming speaks volumes about me as a wife and my lack of tolerance for him being anything other than perfect all the damn time. I trust that when I’m at my worst, my husband will be there for me because his love for me isn’t conditional. I trust that he doesn’t bad mouth me behind my back when I’m being unreasonable. I also know that he trusts me to do the same. That trust keeps our marriage warm and fuzzy.

I will add that if your spouse is doing something to tick you off that you should definitely tell someone, with that someone being him. We share things with each other that seem little, things that are huge, things that we would rather just not talk about because it will lead to an argument (which really just means that there was something there to begin with) and we do this a lot. We always remind each other that we are on the same team and we try to keep that in mind when bringing up issues so that our words come from a place of love and not spite. This brings about healthy change and growth.

The only time I will bring up an argument or a disagreement that we had in our marriage with anyone other than him is when we have already communicated about it with each other and moved past it. When we have learned from it and it can now help someone else. Other than that, keep that shit to yourself! Work on the issue with your spouse, because at the end of the day you’ll say your ‘sorries’ but people will now have a negative view of your spouse. Protect each other from people’s judgments, don’t ever be the source of it.

*Speaking with a trusted friend about something that you need support in with your marriage is NOT the same as badmouthing your spouse when you’re upset. You should always seek ways to improve your marriage and sometimes a trusted friend can be a helpful advisor.

That’s all for now,

Val

 

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