I‘m no stranger to the negative talk many of us do to ourselves when we critique our bodies. I’m currently the heaviest and squishiest (ha!) I’ve ever been. Even though my husband is always gushing over how much he loves my body, I still have that little voice in my head that tries to deny those words. Let’s start with the insecurities:
my shoulders are too broad
my chest is too small
my stomach is rolling over my jeans
my arms are getting saggy
blah, blah, blah
If I had to choose one, it would immediately be my breasts. I’ve always had small boobs, unless you count that sweet spot after pregnancy when your boobs explode up a couple sizes. Oh yes, those were some lovely boobs. But, here we are 6 years past my last baby, and these little ladies are staying in the A range for good. For the first time ever though, I am actually happy about it. I’m happy about them. Maybe it’s weird to use a blog to chat about small boobs, but let me tell you, it has been a leading cause of my body insecurities my whole life. Puberty didn’t prove to be much help in the breast department in my teens when seemingly every freshman I knew went from girl to woman overnight. I constantly dreamed of breast implants, wore bras with those gel pads to create the illusion of full breasts, and kept thinking I was less of a woman because of my less than large breasts.
So what changed? How did I go from dying to get breast implants to absolutely loving these tiny little gals? Val and I have talked about this numerous times since it has been a similar struggle for both of us. She usually verbally articulates it so well, but I always stumble over my thoughts and words. So, I figured writing it out would help me process these thoughts on my growth.
First, I threw out all my underwire/padded bras. I started buying bralettes with pretty lace and criss-cross straps. I discovered how comfortable and beautiful they were and completely fell in love. I haven’t worn an underwire bra in over a year! I especially love wearing them with off-the-shoulder tops or loose sweaters that show off some of the details.
Second, I started going braless. One of the perks of small breasts is the freedom to go braless without worrying about slapping someone in the face with a rogue boob. (I know, great imagery, right?) But seriously, I found form fitting tops and bodysuits that actually look better without a bra and discovered the beautiful world of free boobies!
Third, I started taking sexy topless photos in the mirror. This has proven to have two positive side effects. One, David loves getting the random booby text messages, and two, I get to experiment with my playful side and boost my body confidence with every shot.
Last, I gave into my love of dancing. Trying to write a title for this post made me think of that song by Sia called “Move Your Body”. She says, “Your body’s poetry, speak to me, won’t you let me be your rhythm tonight (move your body, move your body).” If you’re anything like me, you can’t help but start to shake your mid section and let that beat move through you. It got me thinking about my love of dancing and how it relates to my love for my whole body, not just my boobs. I have the love-handles and the stretch marks and the extra pounds I’d like to lose. But damn, when I get dancing, I immediately fall back in love with this body of mine, even when I’m not in my best shape. Stick me in a club (or hell, just my kitchen!) and give me a beat, and I don’t care how much cellulite is on my butt, I just wanna dance and feel free.
So, where are you at with your body? What do you do to help you feel good in your skin?
all my love, ash